I had the most vivid dream last night.
And when I say vivid, I don't mean just vaguely realistic - this was so hauntingly real that I haven't been able to shake it for most of the day.
The details of the dream are a little hazy now, which is a shame. Its annoying that you can't record your dreams and watch them back later when you're fully awake. But I do know this. In my dream, I was pregnant. Very, very pregnant.
Now, having never had a child, I clearly would have no idea what it feels like to be carrying a child at almost full term. But in my dream, I could not only see my tummy as thought I was looking down at myself - I could feel it. I felt all stretched and distended, and heavy, and it was so, SO real. In the dream, I was on my way to hospital because I was about to go into labour. I knew the time had come for me to have my baby, and I was excited and terrified all at the same time. There was no pain in the dream...but the weight of the baby belly and how distended my stomach was...I could feel the baby moving around. It was so weird.
To the point where I woke up this morning, and not only did the dream stay with me for a few moments - I actually sat up with a bolting feeling of happiness that today was the day my child was going to arrive.
It was only when I put my hand on my tummy in what felt like a totally normal action, that I realised it wasnt real and there was no baby, really. And I was so gutted.
Now, dont get me wrong - I'm almost 25, and I would be lying if I said I didnt think about having children. Of course I do, I want to be a mum in the future and I wouldnt contemplate a future without a baby or two to stress me out along the way. But I dont actually want one now.
I'm quite happy with life how it is at the moment, I like that the only stresses I have really are mine, and Boyo's, and my cats. I dont have to think about, or take responsibility for, anything else.
But the overwhelming sadness when I sat up in bed this morning, realising that I wasnt going to have my child today, was choking. It didnt feel like disappointment that the dream wasnt real - it felt as though something I had had moments before had been physically taken away.
And I have not been able to shake it all day!
So....anyone out there any good at interpreting dreams?
Or interpreting strange lady behaviour once the dream has ended?!
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